Leanna's Winding Path

23 September 2010 – We all die.

I am going to die one day.  And you are too.  We have no way of knowing when that day will be for either of us.  It could be at any time.  And when that day comes, it’s really going to suck for the one of us who is left behind.  But let’s not focus on that day.  It just hurts.  Let’s focus on what we have today.  Let’s focus on our lives together and spending the time that we have living our lives to the fullest.

I’m not writing this as some crazy goodbye note.  I am just trying to help my loved ones keep things in perspective.

 I recently had a follow-up visit with Dr. Gagnon.  The news we got wasn’t exactly what we were hoping for, but I personally considered it great news. 

Dr. Gagnon said that the three tumors they treated in July had all shrank.  He also said that two of the three tumors they treated in April (remember – my first cyberknife treatment) appear to be larger.  And finally, he said there were two new tumors in my brain.  Why is this good news?

Well, it’s obvious why the shrinking tumors are good news.  The treatment appears to be effective!

The two spots that appear to be growing (which showed as shrinking during my first post-treatment scan) may not be tumors.  They may just be dead (aka necrotic) tissue.  Necrosis apparently is a common side effect from the cyberknife process.  The tumors that were treated get smaller and die, then the dead tissue may begin to cause irritation and grow.  The doctor said that if it is necrotic tissue, that eventually, after it’s done swelling, in his experience, it should shrink into nothing.  I say that now is an important time for me to focus on the part of my immune system associated with cleansing the body of waste…just to help the process along.  Anyhow, we’re going to watch these spots and take measures as needed, one scan at a time.

And finally, there are two new tumors.  They’re tiny right now.  If they grow, we’ll probably treat them.  It’s another wait and watch thing.  But I’m not worried.

I guess the great news doesn’t so much come from the doctor’s report, but it comes from the feeling I have inside.  I am happy to be feeling really terrific.  I went for a hike with Herb yesterday, and truly enjoyed my favorite season of all – Fall.  In case you didn’t realize this, this is really the first time I’m getting to “experience” fall on the East Coast!  During the previous two years, when fall rolled around I was in some form of severe treatment – chemo 2008, whole brain radiation in 2009.

I’m excited about the season, happy about how I’m feeling, and generally content with most other facets of my life.  I think that makes me a lucky girl!

I hope you too are finding the peace in your present.