Leanna's Winding Path: Archive

7 January 2012 - Love, Peace, Gratitude

If we can actively live with these three attributes, we will always be well.

Jan 7th

28 December 2011-Wait and See

What is it about a week or so since my last post telling you about all of my upcoming doctors appointments. So let me put you up to date. It all started with some new trouble I was having with my vision and occasional headaches I was having behind my left eye to 2012. It was getting harder for me to see. And my vision often roles kind of like one of those old time films or like I’m really...

Dec 29th

19 December 2011 - Whirlwind Week

This week is going to be crazy. I have three doctors appointments this week. This all started a couple of weeks ago. I saw a neural ophthalmologist for some vision trouble I was having and he recommended that I get an MRI. So last week I saw Dr. Moscowitz because he had to reset my shunt after the MRI. Since we had it available, he looked at the MRI and saw that one of the lesions looked larger...

Dec 19th

26 November 2011 – Inspiration

Thanks for being my inspiration. You keep me wanting to move forward and wanting to push past any misery in my life and focus on the good stuff. You honor me in so many ways. Thanks for honoring me by reading what I write. Thanks for your comments. Thanks for your visits. Thanks for your random acts of generosity. Thanks for everything.. Jay, thank you so much for your caring and for your...

Dec 5th

5 November 2011 – November already!

I can’t believe it. November already. Where did the year go? Well it turns out that Who’s That Girl may not be moved out by Christmas. It turns out that I am addicted to the medicine that requires her presence. I’ve been trying to wean myself off of this medicine so that Who’s That Girl can go in peace and I won’t be so bitter about her crowding herself into everything I’m doing. But...

Nov 4th

18 October 2011 – Back on Track

Hi everybody. You might know that last spring I thought all of the pieces in my life were falling together. Things were happening like I was the author writing for them to happen that way. For instance, take Tai Sophia. I found out about Tai Sophia through a friend in March. She encouraged me to get acupuncture there (which turns out to be my favorite alternative therapy so far). While there,...

Oct 18th

14 October 2011 – A New Insight from the Retreat

Something I learned from the retreat, but didn’t actually process until earlier this week; I am part of a community I hadn’t fathomed. Being diagnosed at 29, you know I’m part of the community of young adults diagnosed with cancer. It wasn’t until the retreat weekend that I found I’m also a part of the community facing metastatic disease. It doesn’t change anything. It’s just a new awareness. ...

Oct 14th

13 October 2011 – Shady Grove’s Breast Cancer...

It turned out beautifully. You should have seen the finger labyrinths we had printed. They turned out so well. I was very proud of what Jan and I accomplished. I was able to set up my little station by some dear reiki friends. It was awesome because one of them gave me a mini chair reiki treatment for like 30 minutes during the awards ceremony. Ah that felt good! Unfortunately, I couldn’t...

Oct 13th

10 Oct 2011 – Shady Grove

October is of course Breast Cancer Awareness Week. And tomorrow, Shady Grove Hospital is hosting a Breast Cancer Awareness Event. Well, you may remember that I stayed at Shady Grove when I had my minor little brain surgery. Well that’s where I met Jan Papirmeister. Jan Papirmeister , Cancer Care Navigator for Shady Grove, is a wonderfully enthusiastic woman. I used the time that we talked as...

Oct 11th

8 October 2011 – Who’s That Girl has an admirer

Guess what I got today. A box in the mail filled with PANTS for Who’s That Girl! Yay! Wow! How awesome. Rebecca, you’ve really eliminated the stress I was under to find her warm pants. You were also very intuitive about the sizing. Thank you, thank you. You are too sweet.

Oct 9th

7 October 2011 – Mom in Maryland?

Yep. You heard right. My mom is coming to good ol’ MerryLand. Some of you may be surprised to know that I haven’t seen my mom since my cancer diagnosis. That was over 3 years ago. This may seem shocking to you, but you have to understand that my mom lives in Missouri, and I in Maryland. It is an 18-hour drive. The plane ticket would be over $300. She lacks the resources, and I to lack the...

Oct 8th

3 October 2011 – My adventures with Who’s That...

I went shopping yesterday. I had to buy Who’s That Girl some clothes because it’s getting cold and none of my warm clothes fit her. So I decided to go to Goodwill because they have a 50% off sell on Sundays and because I don’t want to invest a lot of money buying clothes for her. Like I’ve said before, I hope she’ll be gone by Christmas. So, Sunday turns out to be a big day. It’s the day of...

Oct 2nd

1 October 2011 – Who’s that girl

So maybe you have noticed that I haven’t really been posting pictures on the blog. I like pictures, since they “say a thousand words,” but I’m so upset with the way I look these days that I can’t post a picture of myself. I look significantly different from the Leanna you know. I’m about 20 pounds heavier, most of the weight is in my face, boobs, and belly. Tomorrow, I’m going to Goodwill to...

Oct 1st

25 September 2011 – Blessings

I am so lucky to have two reasons to post today. I usually wouldn’t put two posts so close in time, because I want to give everyone a chance to read each post, but my posts are so erratic these days, I think this is fine….and besides, I am excited by recent events. We have had guests! Andrea, Chad, and Ellie Berkley and Mark and Paige Anderson from Portland, Oregon came a visited us for a week! ...

Sep 25th

25 September 2011 – A Retreat

Hi all. I have to tell you about Herb’s and my weekend. Hopkins hosted a retreat for couples dealing with metastatic breast cancer. They offered the retreat at no cost for the participants. Apparently they are the only retreat like this offered in the country, and this is their third year offering this program. I was so surprised to hear this. It seems like with all the retreats in all the...

Sep 25th

3 September 2011 – What’s up now?

My visit with Dr. Hendricks went well yesterday. She visited me in the Purple Palace. My results didn’t change with my recent PET/CT scan. Nothing new, that’s great! The last time we met (3 weeks ago), it really didn’t go so great. She encouraged me to be selective about who I invited over because I only should spend time with people I enjoy. She also recommended I make a bucket...

Sep 3rd

9 August 2011 – I Hate My Life.

This is not meant to be negative, just honest. No apologies. So strange to hear that statement from Miss Pollyanna, always so upbeat without a single negative thing to say. It’s something you’ve been waiting for me to say. Please don’t ask how I’m feeling. I’ll only lie and say fine or well, which is true when taking life from second to second, but not an honest overall...

Aug 11th

25 June 2011 – Living Softly

I feel incredible. I feel blessed. I feel loved. I want to share as much of that as I can. My last scans - are positive! My visits with Dr. Moscowitz and Dr. Gagnon (yesterday and the day before) also positive. No changes in the area they’ve been reviewing, so at this time, still wait and see. That means no additional treatments and no surgery at this time. I’m happy with that. Even...

Jun 25th

21 June 2011 – Singing

Yesterday I visited the Frederick Cancer Care Center to learn more about local resources available to me. While I was waiting in the waiting room, a lady came in. She waited for me to get off the phone with Herb. She announced that she wanted to sing before her appointment. So that is what she did. She carried a nervousness, but her singing was absolutely beautiful. What a gift. I’ve been...

Jun 21st

26 May 2011 – And the good news is…

My side effects do not seem to be because of changes in my MRI! This is exciting and frustrating. I have minor, very minor, increases in one of the tumors, but the rest seem to show improvement! That’s right. Improvement! The challenging thing for us and our doctor is trying to figure out what is causing the extreme pain, imbalance, and exhaustion that I regularly feel. But I have to...

May 26th

19 May 2011 - Let your body be free and your...

These last two months have been sort of a roller coaster for me. I’ve been feeling up and down and all around since I canceled my cyberknife treatment. I have my follow up scan next week…the one for my head. I’ll get the results late next week. I hope that all previous spots are just getting smaller and smaller. I have been running smack dab into into fear, depression, and...

May 19th

May 2nd

2 May 2011 – Reiki Relief and Renewal

The last week has been pretty amazing and intense. I was privileged enough to receive much healing and love through friends and through Reiki. Last Monday, my Reiki master organized a Reiki Day for me. She invited several of our Reiki friends to come to her house and spend a day treating me. Yes, a day. Our sessions were organized from 10 until 4. While we did take breaks between treatments,...

May 2nd

“Guide me and heal me so that I may be of greater service to others.”

Apr 18th

28 March 2011 – A good birthday weekend!

As many of you know, Herb and I have birthdays that are within two days of each other. We usually do some sort of joint celebration. Friday we went to a live art fight show. It was hilarious. Friends through us a little dinner party on Saturday. We had tacos! Herb rode a challenging ride with friends on Saturday, while I did an intense solo hike. Then on Sunday, Herb and I hiked the...

Mar 28th

18 March 2011 - A Decision

We’re going to re-evaluate in two or three months. It feels great to have made this decision. I feel like my voice matters in my own treatment and care. It does help that I seem to have rousted support from all of my lovely caregivers and doctors. I’m happy to enjoy the healing vibes of the coming spring!

Mar 18th

15 March 2011 – The cybes of March

I’m trying to make a decision. To treat or not to treat. Treatment with Cyberknife is rapidly approaching unless I decide not to do it. I’m a bit more nervous this time than the times before. The side effects from the previous go-arounds with this incredible procedure were really difficult to deal with. Right after the procedures, they weren’t so bad, but months after, they sure were. I’m...

Mar 15th

27 February 2011 – There is plenty of good stuff...

Hey friends. I really want to keep sharing with you. But I want to share more about life and less about medical treatment details. In fact, I think that truly living life is probably the best treatment that we could all give ourselves for pretty much any situation, so that’s what I intend to write about – at least for the time being. I’ll still share some medical stuff, but just in less...

Feb 27th

20 February 2011 – The next installment.

How long has it been? Well, I finally met with the doctors this last week, Hendricks on Thursday, Gagnon on Friday. Prior to the visits, it was a bit of a hard week. I had some very strange symptoms or side effects that scared the heck out of me and Herb. I’m okay now, and have been for days, but these last two weeks of waiting for interpretations of my scans and dealing with strange symptoms...

Feb 21st

13 February 2011 - Just So You Know

Still no official word, interpretations, or advice from my doctors. Strange, eh? That’s okay. I have appointments scheduled with them both of them at the end of this week. I’ll probably be just as confused after I talk to them, because I know Dr. Hendricks is researching options now for me to get on a clinical trial. Clinical trials make me nervous, because that means I would be...

Feb 13th

6 February 2011 - A smidgeon of relief.

So still, none of my doctors have contacted me. On Thursday, I started contacting them. I didn’t get through to any of them, but left messages with their people. Surprisingly, none of my doctors have responded to my calls. Even though I called some repeatedly. This is unprecedented with my medical caregivers thus far and somewhat shocking. Maybe they are distracted by the Superbowl? ...

Feb 6th

4 February 2011 – The Silence of Waiting

I typically do not like to burden my friends and loved ones when I’m feeling uncertain. I almost always deal with the issue internally because I cannot stand the idea of causing anybody any distress. I feel like if I share my fears or uncertainties, then I am not only giving up my internal strength to fight them, but am also unnecessarily burdening my loved ones with information that they can’t...

Feb 4th

2 January 2011 – My new thing – Don’t poison the...

So here is the thing about rotten soup. It smells bad. It tastes bad. You look at it with spite. You hate its existence. You could die from it. You just want to get rid of it and never ever see it again. You know me – always seeking my path to wellness – not just my own wellness hopefully, but the wellness of my family, friends, and community. Since I was little, I’ve always wanted to make...

Jan 2nd

19 December 2010 – Facing my Shadow (one of them...

I’ve always liked to daydream about what I’m going to do with my life. How I’m going to make the world a better place. How will I perfect who I am so that I am worthy of all that I want or need to accomplish? I think it’s normal to have these daydreams. True, it’s not living in the now, but it’s fun, setting goals and trying for them and even sometimes reaching them. For me, there is always...

Dec 19th

11 December 2010 – Da-da-da-da da-da! Steroid...

I’ve been getting a lot of questions about how I’m “doing?” So here goes. I’m well, and improving. I’m super happy. I’m not without issues (but who is). November was tough on me. In the first two weeks of November, I went to the doctor or the hospital 6 times. I felt like the poo. I was experiencing severe nausea and dry heaving, intense vertigo, and headaches that were about as bad of pain as...

Dec 11th

6 December 2010 – My Gift to Me

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Dec 7th

Oct 4th

23 September 2010 – We all die.

I am going to die one day. And you are too. We have no way of knowing when that day will be for either of us. It could be at any time. And when that day comes, it’s really going to suck for the one of us who is left behind. But let’s not focus on that day. It just hurts. Let’s focus on what we have today. Let’s focus on our lives together and spending the time that we have living our lives...

Sep 26th

Leanna Podiums at Schaeffer Mountain Bike Race

Well….kind of. Gary is a mountain bike racer for First Descents. I saw his jersey before the Schaeffer race and talked to him. I thanked him for racing for First Descents and told him about my experience at camp. Apparently he was inspired enough by our conversation to push himself beyond what he thought were his limits to finish in 4th place. He asked me to stand with him on the...

Aug 10th

The Whole Crew →

Aug 3rd

24 July 2010 - Everything is okay

Okay, so there’s a little problem. Don’t freak out. Like I said, it’s a fairly minor problem…at least so far. Notice that I put August down in the title of my last post. Also, notice that I said my appointment with Dr. Hendricks was Last Friday. Both of these declarations were wrong. Dates are surprisingly eluding me these days. We’re not just talking about...

Jul 23rd

13 August 2010 - Feedback!

I am admitting that I am very good at letting you know about things coming up, but rarely do I follow through to let you know how things went, except on an individual basis when you call or email me directly. So today I’m going to change that and tell you how this set of treatments went. I think you’ll be impressed. I was. I had all three cyberknife treatments as scheduled, one...

Jul 13th

7 July 2010 - Healing thoughts please.

Bonjour. So tomorrow marks a significant day for me. It marks the 2 year anniversary of when I was diagnosed with cancer. And here I am, still fighting the good fight, and along the way living a pretty high quality life. Speaking of fighting the good fight, I have a cyberknife procedure that is scheduled for tomorrow at 11:30. I also have subsequent cyberknife procedures scheduled for Friday...

Jul 7th

Jun 28th

26 June 2010 – A day of fun!

Today I will be installing my first walkable labyrinth. It will be at the Smith Farm Center for Healing with the Arts in DC. I’m installing this labyrinth because in two about two weeks, I will be holding my first facilitation of a labyrinth walk for the young adult cancer survivor group that I co-organize. I’ve been waiting for this opportunity for a long time. Di, Jean, and Kris are going to...

Jun 26th

20 June 2010 - A Perfect Moment

I just had a perfect moment. I know I experience these often, but I am very grateful I took the time to be conscious of this one. Just as the sun was starting to set, I was walking home from the Co-op. I was carrying my shoes, cause I’ve been convinced that barefoot is the way to go. There is something connecting and pleasurable about having your feet make direct contact with the earth as you...

Jun 21st

Dear God,

I have always felt a little funny about prayer. I’m no fool. I believe in the power of prayer, but I really don’t do it very often. There are a few reasons. I feel like everything happens for a reason and who am I to interfere with the plan. I have also felt selfish if I ever prayed or even thought about praying for myself. I have always felt like my efforts and intentions...

May 5th

Apr 9th